Conflict is inevitable?

Yesterday I was privileged to host a Taste of TEC event as I continue work to build and launch my CEO Forum here in Edmonton.  One of the perks of this particular event is that we were able to coordinate with other TEC Canada CEO Forums in the area and get access to a guest speaker. 

The subject area for our guest speaker was "Secrets to Successful Conflict Resolution".  Without a doubt conflict - in all its forms - is a common challenge in any business and at any stage of a leader's career.  My intent is not to summarize the speaker's presentation.  Rather, I wanted to identify a few key points that really resonated for me personally.

First, despite our best efforts and intentions, I really do believe that conflict in any organization is inevitable.  Whenever two or more people come together in pursuit of some common goal - marriage included! - there are bound to be friction points, differences of opinion, and misinterpretations of actions or intent.  Ignoring that reality will definitely not make the "situation" go away.  In fact, in almost all cases, ignoring the reality of conflict only makes the situation worse and more difficult to resolve later (with a lot more pain and suffering).  On more than one occasion I have been quite astounded to hear managers and leaders identify for themselves and others that they don't like conflict.  I'm not sure at that point if they really every truly understood what it was to take on their role!  Quite frankly, without conflict there would be a lot less demand for managers and leaders. 

Second, it struck me that so much conflict can start off with seemingly superficial roots and much of that relates back to a failure in basic communication.  In my coaching practice one of the fundamental tenets and beliefs is that everyone yearns to be heard.  Just needs to be heard.  That perspective also builds off of my experience in 25 years of health care management.  I don't have the stats at hand, but in the vast majority of complaints that patients or families had with their experience at my hospitals, long-term care facilities, or with any other health care service most of their presenting issue didn't truly relate to the quality of their care, but rather with the quality of their interaction - communication - with staff.  They didn't feel respected, understood, valued - they didn't feel heard.

Third, when it comes to conflict there is no time like the present.  As I noted before, too many managers and leaders want to avoid conflict.  They don't like it, it causes them grief, and overall they may see it as a waste of time and energy.  However, conflict seems to obey a perverse "pay-it-forward" mentality.  If you don't take the time to deal with me now I'm going to come back in spades to you later.  Rather than thinking of time spent up-front in communicating with and hearing from your stakeholders as a waste of time, think of that time spent as an investment or a point of leverage.  If you don't take the time now it's going to take a whole lot more effort - and time - to recover and repair relationships in service of the results you want later on.

Finally, in conflict, don't rush to judgement.  As leaders we often feel compelled to have all the answers at our fingertips the moment a situation is brought to our attention.  We can sometimes act as every issue and decision was ours to make and that to be true leaders we had better be able to size up and respond with a solution in the next five minutes.  However, unless someone has just pulled the fire alarm or you can see the out-of-control truck about to barrel through your front door, you probably have more time at your disposal to make an informed assessment and decision.  Pause.  Investigate.  Challenge assumptions and perceptions.  Get clarity.  Ask questions.  Ask some more questions.  Don't fall prey to the delusion that every issue is yours to own as a leader or everything requires your immediate attention.  You might just be solving the wrong problem, adding fuel to the fire of an existing conflict, or starting a new fire.

So yes, it is my belief that conflict is inevitable.  As leaders though we have the ability to manage and even constructively use conflict to our benefit if we consciously use the tools at our disposal.  Conflict and conflict management is part of leadership.
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Greg Hadubiak, MHSA, FACHE, CEC, PCC
TEC Canada Chair/Executive Coach/Senior Consultant
hadubiak@wmc.ca

Helping leaders realize their strengths and enabling organizations to achieve their potential through the application of my leadership experience and coaching skills. I act as a point of leverage for my clients. I AM their Force Multiplier.

Are you a possum or a mammoth?

I was recently watching "Ice Age The Meltdown" (for the umpteenth time) with my three daughters and it struck me that one of the lead characters - Ellie the Mammoth - faces a challenge that many of us face in our leadership journey.  Namely understanding and realizing her own strength and reality.  For much of her life, because she was separated from her family and raised as a possum, she functions just as her possum brothers do despite possessing vastly superior size and strength.  Even though it should have been readily apparent in the course of time that she was different she comes to own her possum personality the result of which is she hangs from trees to sleep, tries to travel only at night, and lives in fear of being snatched and carried away by a hawk.

How many of us fail to own our true selves, our strength and our potential?  How many of us have the strength and power of a mammoth but live out our lives as possums? 

So what accounts for this reality?  As in Ellie's case, the strength of our lived experience clearly plays a strong role.  Imagine the pressure on Ellie to conform and fit in to the "corporate culture" that was her possum world.  Brought in young and raised for years to be part of the pack, to do as expected, and probably expected to restrain her true potential.  Don't stand out, adhere to accepted norms of performance, and follow the rules.  Aside from general peer pressure, she was also likely supported by one or two key mentors, those that were there for her and helped her to fit in despite her evident physical differences from the crowd.

How many of us can relate this to our lives in various roles where we entered with enthusiasm and naivete about how we could make a difference, apply our energy for a greater cause, and make THE difference?  How many of us lament - or perhaps have even forgotten - these glory days as we withered under a corporate culture that sought status quo or incremental change?  Did we give up our mammoth dreams for something more practical, pedestrian and safe?

But as Ellie's story points out there is hope.  Through crisis (e.g., the threat of flood) she is forced to change her perspective, gains new allies, and is brought to realization of who and what she is.  I'd like to believe that we don't need some sort of personal or professional crisis in our lives to help us regain our true sense of self but I'm inclined to believe that more often than not this is what is required.  Too many of us seem to need some sort of external impetus to shake us from our stupor and get back on the path that holds so much potential.  Likewise, getting some different points of view from others can also help - whether professional colleague, mentor, coach - get us to a different place from which to own our true potential.

Now this misconception of ourselves can just as easily work in reverse.  For much of the movie Ellie can't see herself for the mammoth that she is.  In contrast, for at least part of the movie, Sid the Sloth develops an exaggerated sense of his powers and importance as he accidentally discovers the means to create fire.  As a result he becomes the object of worship as the Fire King for a tribe of mini sloths.  Sid mistakenly attributes his new found status to skill and not luck.  How many of the leaders that we have worked for - or ourselves - have been similarly deluded?

In both cases I see the key elements of understanding our true strengths and weaknesses as leaders as coming from a healthy dose of humility, introspection, continuous learning, openness to new information and perspectives, and the ability to surround ourselves with others that will present a healthy challenge to our view of the world and ourselves.  Maybe you are a mammoth and don't know it and can't see it.  Maybe you think you are a mammoth and really are just a possum.  Either circumstance can be detrimental to you and to others.

Leadership is many things, but above all else is having the courage to own and develop your potential.  You owe that potential to yourself and to those that you are and could be leading.
______________________________

Greg Hadubiak, MHSA, FACHE, CEC, PCC
TEC Canada Chair/Executive Coach/Senior Consultant
hadubiak@wmc.ca

Helping leaders realize their strengths and enabling organizations to achieve their potential through the application of my leadership experience and coaching skills. I act as a point of leverage for my clients. I AM their Force Multiplier.