On Being Flexible - On Being Human

In my last blog post, I set the stage for undertaking a personal challenge and equating it to how one could approach any number of leadership challenges.  The conclusion and update to that post reads something along the lines of we came, we ran, we finished.  The direction that this journey took, however, reads nothing like what the plan envisioned.  Aside from the typical things that might have expected to confound a race of this nature (e.g., cold weather, thousands of people, falls, cuts and bruises) the journey to and through the Dopey Challenge also reinforced the critical importance of knowing one's values/priorities and being flexible in the face of radically changing circumstances.

Our adjusted adventure began early on our flight from Toronto to Orlando.  Within the first half hour a medical emergency was announced through the frantic calls of the wife of a stricken passenger.  My wife, aside from being an executive coach/consultant, jumped into care mode as the registered nurse she remains.  Working in partnership with a couple of other nurses and fellow passengers she proceeded to work under less than ideal circumstances to support and maintain the distressed male passenger.  This went on for at least 2 hours.  I had a similar opportunity to take care of and entertain the 5-year old daughter of the couple.  Other passengers were also at pains to try to help support wife and daughter through this stressful event.  We quickly learned that the family of three was on their way to enjoy a week in Disney World.  Quite the start to a relaxing and entertaining vacation!

Upon arriving in Orlando, my wife engaged with emergency medical personnel on the ground to provide information to facilitate handover and offer further assistance to the wife and daughter in getting to the hospital or in providing other support as required.  What was interesting to me at this time was how the conclusion of the flight had changed the dynamic of support we had seen on the plane.  Of the myriad of people who had been around the stricken passenger precious few seemed prepared to extend their efforts and compassion beyond the arrivals lounge.  To my cynical and jaded eyes it appeared that not many were prepared to sacrifice their vacations for a stranger they had just met no matter how compelling the story.

We made an effort to remain in touch with the family in the next 24 hours.  We had made plans to visit various theme parks at times in and around our races and offered to act as guide and chaperone to the 5-year old girl.  Having young children of our own we felt comfortable in believing that we would have been in our element.  The offer was acknowledged but not taken up immediately.  No surprise - we were after all relative strangers to the family and updates indicated that the father might be discharged form hospital within a couple of days.

Within less than 48 hours of our arrival things would take a turn for the worse.  We had completed our 5k run early on Thursday and had been visiting Universal Studios when we got a text around midday asking if we could in fact take care of the 5-year old daughter.  The father had been admitted to ICU and was struggling.  We didn't hesitate and for the rest of the day proceeded to entertain, as best we could, our new found charge.  We were overwhelmed by the courtesy, manners, lightness of spirit and overall capacity emanating from this beautiful little girl.  In a very short period of time she won over our hearts.  At this time we also started to have serious discussions about whether we would shelve the rest of our races to support the family as they dealt with their unexpected challenge.  Our conclusion - despite months of training and anticipation - was yes.  Our values suggested a rewrite of our priorities.  However, as the day progressed, we learned that other family support was arriving and we could expect to relinquish our "parental" duties sometime in the evening.

Upon arrival at our place we learned from family members that the father had in fact died.  We now had to say goodbye to our new found little friend, trying to hold our emotions in check, knowing that in a few short minutes she would be seeing her mother and learn the devastating news. The experience was more than surreal.  Later that night, and in the days to come, both my wife and myself found ourselves breaking down in tears, truly unable to come to terms with what had transpired.

For the next few days we probably operated in autopilot mode.  We ran our races, followed our routine as best we could, but found ourselves truly unfocused and off our centre.  As we read Facebook posts from friends and family of the deceased we found ourselves lamenting this loss even more.  He seemed to have cut a wide and positive swath in the lives of others despite his relatively young age of 42. His interests spanned many genres covering off my own love of astronomy.  He was a musician.  Some called him a renaissance man.

Why this long convoluted story and what does any of this have to do with leadership?  First, I believe this is a story that has to be hold if only to honor the memory of a fellow human being that has passed.  Second to acknowledge the profound impact that comes to any of us from opening up our hearts and homes in the service of others.  My lost fellow traveler clearly had impact on those around him.  In many respects he acted as a role model, cheerleader and, yes, as a leader.  You can see it in the variety of messages that have come since his passing.

I've always been an advocate for and lived a lot of my life focused on goals and developing plans.  However, experience has also taught me the power of being flexible within the context of my values.  Our values were put to the test and clarified through this experience.  The months of effort, preparation and cost would have been cast aside in an instance - and in some ways were - in order to be of service to others.  However, it was also these values, and the ability to respond in the circumstances, that opened us up to the gift that we received from being with a 5-year old girl and her mother we had only met and hardly got to know.  They helped reinforce and further develop the power and value of compassion and vulnerability.

Words truly seem inadequate to convey this story and the feelings we have gone through, much less those of family and friends much more intimately and directly impacted.  In leadership lessons, I come back to making sure you know your personal values, assess your actions in a conscious way against those values, and remain flexible to circumstances as you pursue your goals within the context of your values.

Be prepared to be flexible, compassionate and even vulnerable.  I have seen and felt again the power of being in service to others, appreciate the impact on them, but even more so appreciating the impact on me and who I can yet become.

I continue to lament for the friend I never got to make and keep a wife and daughter in my thoughts and prayers.

Sometimes its not just about leadership.  Sometimes its just about being human.
______________________________

Greg Hadubiak, MHSA, FACHE, CEC, PCC
Executive Coach/Consultant
BreakPoint Solutions
gregh@breakpoint.solutions
780-250-2543

Helping leaders realize their strengths and enabling organizations to achieve their potential through the application of my leadership experience and coaching skills. I act as a point of leverage for my clients. I AM their Force Multiplier.